Two wonderful friends came to visit me today and brought their beautiful children. I love these two ladies dearly and so enjoyed our day together. But I confess I was somewhat stressed and embarrassed by my children and thus feel some shame about myself as a mother. One of my friends, like me, has three children, about the same ages as mine. She is an excellent mother and I easily fall into the trap of comparing myself to her. Her kids obey and she doesn't yell. Her kids ate the food I made while mine told me it was disgusting. Her kids played with toys happily while mine kept asking to watch TV or play on the tablet. Her oldest even corrected my son about bad table manners. And I just want to hang my head in defeat. "It's all my fault. I'm failing as a parent."
We didn't wake Rory from her nap for photo time.
I find myself often wishing that my children were different. We honestly try to teach and discipline faithfully and consistently, but the fruit seems so scarce.
After my friends left, I looked at my phone and saw a couple of Facebook updates about one of the families in our homeschool support group. Their 2 yr old daughter had to have emergency surgery this week, and her heart is so weak that she has not been able to come off bypass. There is no certainty she will even survive through this night.
And it hit me. That could be one of my kids. I could be that mom in waiting. Two distinct emotions surfaced: sorrow for this family who really is going through this and...guilt. Guilt for feeling defeated, for wanting to turn on the TV and push all my parenting hardships out of my mind, for wanting my children to be so different, for not completely praising God for giving them to me. O God, help me to rise up to 100% for they are worth it just as they are now, and because You gave them to me and have called me to this task. Tomorrow they could be gone.
I came out of my room and asked both my big kids for hugs. Christian backed up to the farthest wall and then ran at me as hard as he could to jump in my arms. Georgia said, "Sure Mom. Just a minute." Then she put her stuffed animal down gently and jumped on me.
By God's grace, no more comparing.
Ballet and tumbling class
She actually did more for the parent demonstration this day than she has in previous weeks.
2 comments:
What a good reminder--You are definitely not the only one who has felt this way!!!
PS- what a great video of ballet class! :)
I have moments like this. I try to remember that my kids often act differently around others than at home. I am sure if they were visitors at someone else's house it might have been different. Your kids always seem so sweet to me. I also squeezed my kids super tightly last night.
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